Everything's Changing | Dear Diary

Hey Guys x

This is my second Dear Diary post, you can see the first one here.

I like to do these posts when I have a lot in my head that I need to get out, so I hope you enjoy seeing into my head!

The song below is the ending song of the film 'The Judge' and it is the soundtrack of this post/diary entry. I can't listen without crying!

Dear Diary,

Recently I've been in a constant state of nostalgia. It's like, everything I do, my brain pipes up and shouts: 'Enjoy this while it lasts because everything's changing and you're never going to get this moment back!'
And I don't know how to feel about that. I'm excited for the future, really excited. Of course I'm also really nervous, but excitement is the overriding thought. But in the same way, I don't want to move forward in life just yet. If it was possible, I'd freeze time for, like a year, and then live after.
I'd freeze it so that all my friends would still be in the same place, and I can continue procrastinating and not living my life!
Over the weekend just gone, two of my closest friends have moved away for university. And it's not like I feel lonely and wish they weren't going because, not only do I still have friends here, but obviously I want them to go and live their lives as I'll be doing when I eventually start uni, it's just scary to think that things are finally happening. They no longer live at home, I can't go and visit them whenever I want, we can no longer go out quickly on the weekend. It's a really weird feeling.
I'm currently listening to 'The Wanted's first album, because I haven't heard it in such a long time, and it's reminding me of the past. I bought it in 2010/2011 and things were so different back then, I wasn't even doing A levels or contemplating about universities, everything was so much simpler! And everything meant so much more. Like, silly little fights meant the world to me back then, and now I honestly couldn't care, because I have no time for people who don't treat me the way I should be treated.
And, weirdly, I also feel a lot more confident. I guess that comes with the excitement of reinventing myself. This really shocked me. One day last week, I was making a video (just for fun, I'm not about to start a YouTube channel or anything!) and as I was watching it back, I thought to myself, 'wow, I really like my lips' which extended to 'I have quite a nice face' and, although I was just wearing old night clothes and my hair wasn't done or anything, I felt pretty. And I've never felt pretty before. I mean, I've spent the last 5 years avoiding mirrors (not trying to get sympathy, I just hate looking into mirrors) and yet there I was, filming myself and studying my face.
And that made me think that, as well as everything around me changing, I'm kind of changing too. I feel different, in a good way. I'm not meant to be skinny or to wear crop tops and short shorts, and that's completely ok, because I'm meant to wear leggings and comfy jeans and baggy t-shirts, and dresses long and short. I'm not meant to be out clubbing every night and getting drunk and getting off with multiple boys, I'm meant to have fun with friends and read book after book and listen to 90s music and obsess over MARVEL superheroes. That's me, and I'm not about to change that to fit in or to become popular. I mean, I've been unpopular my whole life anyway, why break the habit of a lifetime?
Another thing I'm meant to be is a writer. Whether published or not, whether books or articles or blog posts, I'm meant to write. As my blog views continue to rise (Over 32,000 now!) and I get more followers and more amazing comments, I know that blogging is what I'm supposed to be doing.

Lou xx