Life In Black and White

Hey Guys x

Sometimes, I feel like I live my life in black and white.

This is a strange thing to say or think about, so let me explain it further.

You know if you're out with friends and having a good time, and then all of a sudden, something hits you and you become... aware of yourself. And then you feel really awkward and uncomfortable in your own skin and basically start to wonder why you're such an awkward mess? No, just me? Ok then!

I describe this feeling as 'living in black and white', mainly because I feel like I'm not living life the way I should be, or enjoying things as much as I should be.

And I've been having this feeling more and more lately. I'm not the best person socially, which has always been the case and I don't really focus on that too much, but becoming aware of my awkwardness is the worst thing ever, because not only do I become aware of it, but I feel like whoever I'm speaking to is aware of it too.

I guess this is one of the things that makes me not really keen to be in certain social situations, like parties or clubs or anything.

For me, the best way to combat this is distraction.

If I'm hanging out with someone and reading a book, or having a really deep conversation, then I'm fine.

But if the conversation is casual, and has silences, I'm the worst! I feel like all silences are awkward unless I'm really good friends with someone. Like, I spoke to Chloe on the phone the other day and there were silences, but I wouldn't necessarily describe them as awkward.

And when there's an awkward silence, I feel like I'm the cause of it, and people feel like I'm awkward and then I just want to abandon the whole situation and go home and read a book. That's my response!

This was just a quick ramble about this weird feeling that I get - if anyone also experiences it or has a name for it, please comment it below!

Thank you for reading

Comment below whether you sometimes live in black or white!

Keep Smiling - Lou xx


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